Makara Jyothi

Finally, I get down to updating this page.  So here it is... My story!

Background

I come from a religious brahmin family from a small town in India called Tuticorin (Thoothukudi in the local language Tamil).  As a child I was taught Vedic Chanting and groomed in the religious rituals.  Thats when things on my personal front took a major turn with my Grandfather went into a coma induced due to variations in his blood sugar.  Being bed ridden and with temperatures soaring to 38 degress celsius and more, he developed bed sores and suffered quite a bit.

At that time, I was very fond of Lord Ganesha and during one of my usual morning prayers, I ardently prayed for my grandfather's recovery.  About a fortnight later my grandfather regained consciousness and we were all very happy.  However, another fortnight later he passed away. That's when I started thinking.  If Lord Ganesha was god and he knew the future (about my grandfather's death) why did he then answer my prayer.  That to me sounded rather sadistic (I was then studying in the 7th standard) and it is then that I decided, if praying to God results in pain (as in my case had to lose my grandfather within a month), then I don't need God at all and if God did exist, I wanted to see him in flesh and blood and then and only then will I trust in God.  This was in 1989.

My first experience with Swamy Ayyappan

Nothing happened till late 1994 (on the spiritual front).  But I moved from Tuticorin to Chennai and from Chennai to Bangalore.  I did my graduation through correspondance from Osmania University and the tutorials where I had enrolled myself sent me a letter stating that the exams will be help in Sept '94 to Oct '94.

My grandmother was around when I received the letter and when she learnt that it was about the exams (at Hyderabad), she insisted that I attend the exams.  I was reluctant to attend the exam as I was not prepared one bit, except for Accounting, for which I had taken tuitons.

Though reluctant, I attended my exams, only to realise with shock that the language syllabus has changed (I had taken Tamil as my subject) and I have no way of getting the old syllabus question paper.  Resigning myself to the fact that I would have to come to Hyderabad once again to write my exams, I returned to my relatives place in Safilguda.  Sitting at the dining table, sipping coffee, when I put my head up, I saw a picture of Swamy Ayyapan.  Just casually to I thought to myself "If you really exist, let me pass this Tamil exam.  If I pass my exam I will come to Sabarimala."

As usual I reached Nizam college the next day.  I was about three hours ahead of my exam time.  I was sitting below a tree wondering what to do.  Two people walked upto me and enquired, "Is your langauage Tamil?".  I replied in the affirmative.  "Do you know that the syllabus has changed?" they asked me.  I said "Yes".

Both of them said that they had the new notes and if I want it they could share and revise with me.  As I had nothing to lose, I agreed.  We revised for about two and half an hour.

When I was in the exam hall, I could complete the question paper fully. As I came out, the same two people met me and asked me if I had the notes for my Tamil Paper II. They offered to give me a photocopy of their notes if I did not have the notes myself.  I got the notes photocopied and then spent the whole night studying from the notes.

Though the next day, I did attend the exam and could write the exam, I was not very sure of passing the exams.  I returned to Bangalore after my exams and when the results came, I was pleasantly shocked to learn that I had passed the exam and I had secured my BCom.

I was in two minds - was this a coincidence or was it due to the grace of Swamy Ayyappan? However, I decided whatever it may be, I had given my word to visit Sabarimala, so I resolved to visit the shrine.

I told my dad about the whole thing and asked him directions to the temple.  He was very disturbed and he said that it was a dangerous proposition to go all alone as we would have to travel through jungles.  He said I do not have his permission to visit the temple unless accompanied by someone who has previously been to the temple. He also said that we are not to visit the shrine without the consent of the parents.

I went and stood in front of the Swamy Ayyappan photo in our pooja room and as I looked into the photo I said in my mind, "Look, I do not know if I passing the exam was a coincidence or due to your grace.  However, I would like to keep my promise to you to visit the shrine.  You know very well what my issue is.  If you really exist, you take me to the temple.  I will make no attempt to come to your shrine".  This was in Feb 1995. 

Nothing happened till 12th March 1995.

My first visit to Sabarimala

I was returning from my office on my two wheeler.  I had just crossed the Miller's Road bridge and was moving towards JC Nagar, when a person on a bike, went on honking behind me.  Though I signalled him to overtake, he went on following me and went on honking. I tried ignoring him - but it was hard to ignore.  I stopped the bike at the place where Fun World stands today, wanting to ask the motorbike rider what his problem was.  As I turned around, the biker removed his crash helmet and I could make out he was an ex-student of mine.

"Sir, I was honking for you to stop. But you went on driving", he said as he approached me.

"How am I to know that it was you, especially with your crash helmet?", I answered.

"Sir, lets have a cup of coffee", he suggested and I agreed.

We went to a hotel nearby ordered for two cups of coffee and started to chat up.  My student told me that he was working with TVSE as a Marketing manager.

"What happened to Ashwini (name changed) I asked? Did you both get married?", I enquired.

"Sir, Don't ask me about that.  She asked me to come to a place in Andhra and when I went there she did not turn up. I had about Rs. 60 in my pocket stranded in a strange place not knowing what to do.  An old man walked up to me and told me to go to Sabarimalai directly and then go home.   He gave me Rs. 1500.  I followed his advice and I am more than happy now.  I am visiting the Sabarimalai Shrine again in April", he completed.

"Will you take me along to the Sabarimalai Shrine?", I asked.

"Why ofcouse, I will", he said.

Then a couple of days later I put the mala and followed the austerities and went to the temple. The first visit I did not take any irumudi and I visited the temple from the rear entrance.  It was a very nice experience.  I resolved to visit the temple again with the Irumudi.

Now, I had started to believe in Lord Ayyappan, but still that iota of a doubt existed, if these two incidents were coincideces or not.

Even that doubt was to be crushed...very soon...

To be continued...